We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
