If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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