just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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