i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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