I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
