Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
