it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have started to decorate penises.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
