I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize