covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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