remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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