My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm like, not good at living.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
