I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
