clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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