Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
