Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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