yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
