I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
