I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize