Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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