And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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