I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
