If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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