Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize