I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
