You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
