Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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