i think my tv is drunk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
