its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
