a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
are you so shy because you have an std?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
