He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
