Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
