Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
