So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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