I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
