we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
