I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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