Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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