you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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