the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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