There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
