So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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