she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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