there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
