OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
