I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
