Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
COCAINE IS GR8
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
