Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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