i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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