you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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