im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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