Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize