I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
