Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
