i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
