I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
