That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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