I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
