I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
