If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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