my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh god it's open bar.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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