Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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