I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
