ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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